| WILL YOU HELP ME WITH MY DISSERTATION/TRANSLATION/THESIS/ESSAY
?
No.
The longer answer would involve me pointing out that I am the one person whose
comments will be worse than useless to you, if you want to pass any kind of examination.
I would talk about states of barely-suppressed hysteria, accidents, flukes and
chaos in ways that will not appeal to
literary theorists who want everything to be neat and under the author’s
thumb. I would then talk about trying to craft every word (emphasis on try) and
that would
also be of no interest, because it wouldn’t refer to historicosociosexual
context, or my place in the school of Blahblah, or the movement typified
by Hmmffnt.
So you really don’t want my help.
And, in any case, you should be doing this yourself. I have a novel to write.
HOW DO I GET PUBLISHED ?
Write as well as you possibly can. “The market” won’t
help you, networking might (Although it will probably also involve
the removal of your soul and
will only help a little if you can’t write.) Sleeping with writers makes
them very happy, but as the ability to type with any kind of skill is not contagious,
it won’t actually help you. And then we get into sleeping with/
selling drugs to/ blackmailing editors, agents and so on – and if you have
the knack of doing that, you don’t need my help. Try going on Big Brother.
NO REALLY, HOW DO I GET PUBLISHED ?
Try going on Big Brother. Oh, all right - find someone
you can trust to look at your work, get it into the best possible
shape, ruthlessly. Take advice from The Writer’s and Artist’s
Yearbook on agents and editors that might suit and then contact
them, one at a time. You will very probably need an agent to help
you catch any editor’s eye, these days – no one really
has the time to read any more. You will need an intervention from
the Archangel Gabriel to catch the agent’s eye. So you could
try praying, or voodoo.The market is now probably beyond saving
and access is ever-decreasing. If I were starting now, I'd be nowhere.
Sorry.
CAN YOU HELP ME GET PUBLISHED?
Do I sound as if I can help you get published ? No. I don’t
know enough
people. Sorry.
WILL I MAKE MONEY OUT OF LITERARY FICTION
?
No. Or not quickly, unless you are incredibly lucky. Fiction
is not exactly fashionable right now and never really has been
a big earner. Then again, if you are writing literary fiction,
you probably do it fairly helplessly, because you love it. The
fact that we do it for love is, sadly, well-known amongst publishers,
editors and so forth and this means we will receive the bare
minimum and still be quite happy in an odd kind of, blood-soaked
way. Welcome to wonderful world of literary fiction.
You might also bear in mind that every discount the big UK book shop chains offer
you on books begins with a larger discount being offered to the shop by the publisher.
Publishers pretty much have to pay shops to take their product. This is not commercial
in the long term and means authors get paid less, or nothing, in the short term.
The lack of media interest in "serious" books means that many now
simply disappear. This isn't good news for
the UK's readers, or the UK's culture - but who cares about that ? If you win
a Big Prize, that will probably involve a Big Cheque, which will be tax free.
This will come in handy. I am reliably informed you will make money – because
your sales will probably increase - even that will take a good while to reach
you and the more you sell, the deeper the discounts on cover-price will be. If
you write with prizes in mind – Big or Tiny – you will be much further
out of your mind than I’ve ever been beyond mine and good luck to you – you’ll
need it.
WHO WILL
MAKE THE MONEY ?
Your agent will make a little. Your publisher will mess up making what they
could – they probably won’t advertise you (unless you’re
already selling) they will bow to every bookshop demand – they will
bollox your foreign rights (should you let them have those) and they will
generally behave like individuals doing the jobs of four on no sleep, while
their hearts are broken in a hideous commercial vice – which is what
they are.
If they mess up too badly you’ll end up out of print. But who needs money
? Be if you’ve ever been published at all - you can sell your organs to
foreign businessmen, you have possibilities, get on with it… And you could
be a poet – they don’t make anything…
WHAT
ABOUT THE GLAMOUROUS JET-SETTING LIFE OF THE NOVELIST, THEN ?
Endless community halls and libraries, immensely tiring tours of places
that might be interesting if you ever got to see them, food you can’t
eat, or never get, not enough sleep, crushing isolation, little or no chance
of a cup of tea on the road, endless working to subsidise the writing… oh
yes, it’s all a breeze. Sometimes, you may get to meet the former
Bishop of Edinburgh, that’s one of the few high points.
Sometimes it is nice. Sometimes it is immensely grisly. I would recommend tours
of Germany, the Leukerbad Festival, The Edinburgh Book Festival the Victoria
Festival, the Vancouver Festival and a few others, but it’s not a roller
coaster of unlimited fun out there. Then again, it's nowhere near as lousy as
waking up in Fallujah, or being a coal miner - so the whining should be limited.
And, if you’re lucky, after only 20 years or so, you can get to be an overnight
success. (In my case, because you win something the media think is important
and are mistakenly believed to be a comic-turned-novelist and therefore interesting.
A novelist-who-also-does-comedy would just be freakish…)
SO, WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH
THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF PUBLISHING ?
Fewer publishing houses concentrated in conglomerate hands trying
to produce more books of less quality. No full time readers,
no full time copy editors and therefore missed newcomers and
pisspoor final presentation of texts on the shelves, silly covers,
greedy and simple-minded bookshop chains, lunatic bidding wars
designed to crush the spirit of unknown newcomers, celebrity “tighten
your buns and nurture your inner pot plant” hard backs
and much related insanity. Go somewhere else if you can, there
is nothing like watching people who care about books being destroyed
by publishing to put a blight on your afternoon.
IS THE AUTHOR
DEAD ?
No more than usual. (And stop hanging out with academics. In the end they
just run out of new things to say and end up with nonsense like that.)
IS
THE NOVEL DEAD ?
As above. Get some new pals, go out more, really… The novel is
much older and much healthier than the literary establishment that snaps
round its
heels.
CAN YOU REALLY TEACH CREATIVE WRITING
?
No. But you can help someone to think like a writer and to find
out how they write, the way no one else writes. You can help
someone find what only they can say and how only
they can say it. But many institutions can make money by claiming to teach creative
writing – if you’re signing up for one, do check whether they are
actually going to help you, or put a whole lot of irrelevant work in your way
when you could be writing.
ISN’T ALL LANGUAGE ESSENTIALLY
MEANINGLESS ?
I’ve told you before – keep away from those academics.
They’ll steal your biscuits – the good ones in the
nice tin that you were saving.
Of course, when I say “table”, I don’t mean quite the “table” you
do – but that’s a good thing. It means you help me to make my “table” mean
more.
Language used carefully unites more than it divides, communicates more than it
obscures, but it’s also like a gun – it can do as much damage as
the person in control of it has the power to inflict. If you want a healthy citizenry
that understands how it wants to vote – make sure everyone has control
of their language – it’s there to let us define who we are, what
it is to be human… all the stuff that keep us healthy. So it’s our
duty to learn how to use and understand the words around us. Hint - rush into
a room
full of Wittgenstein fans and yell "Fire !" - check if they interrogate
your meaning for a fortnight, or run for the exits. Other Hint – rush
into a room full of politicians and yell – “You lying bastards – I
know you’re lying, because I am confident with language and the games up.
Now you run ! Out, out, out !”
WHAT IS THE KEY TO WRITING
GOOD FICTION ?
Years of practice and observation.
Which isn’t the answer you wanted. I could say “capturing point of
view”– but that comes back to years of practice and observation.
Or learning a
lot about your soul - same problem, if not worse. Just try to be aware of how
you work and how that could help you tell other human beings about human beings
who don’t exist, but could. Or whatever you want to tell. Help us to dream
together – that’s something we like to do. Tell me a story, I like
stories. Tell me as if I were someone you care for, someone you trust and respect,
someone as bright as you are, who deserves the best.
BUT FICTION
IS ALL JUST RECYCLED FACT AND SCRAPS YOU OVERHEARD ON BUSES,
SURELY ?
You can rip off your life and other people’s stories if you
like, but that’s more theft than fiction and it will leave
you with precious few friends and very little life remaining. Practically
speaking, things you make up (it’s called fiction, remember)
will fit your story better and be more fun for all concerned. This
is, at one level, a meditative flight from self – that’s
surely rather better than rummaging round in other people’s
leftovers.
I WANT TO BE A WRITER, WHAT SHOULD I
DO ?
Give yourself a severe talking-to. But if you can’t persuade
yourself otherwise (and probably you can’t) then what you
have to do now, and ever
after, is write to the best of your ability and then a little bit better than
that.
Then better than that.
And read everything you can, always. Pursue perfection – it may pursue
you back.
HOW DO YOU WIN LITERARY PRIZES ?
Sometimes this will involve writing a really good book. At other
times, you’ll have to marry, divorce, fuck, deal drugs to,
blackmail, kidnap, or lord knows what to God knows whom and it
still may not work. Prizes do not make sense, keep away from them,
do not consider them, they are none of
your business, if you write, unless you happen to be judging one, in which case,
try to arrange for the best book to win. If you win one, keep your head down
and try to pretend it was because your book was good.
BUT YOU’VE WON A COUPLE OF BIG
ONES LATELY, HAVEN’T
YOU? SURELY YOU’RE WARMING TO THEM NOW ?
You have no idea how far down my head currently is – but since you insist
on asking. I can only reiterate – prizes do not make sense, they can’t
make sense. (And given the general vibe around this website, do you think my
winning anything will ever make sense to me ?) At their best, literary prizes
are judging apples against oranges. If not apples against hand grenades and giraffes.
Every decision will involve a whole complex web of variables – and you
can hope they’re all squeaky clean and honourable and maybe they will be – the
decision might still be different the following day and different next week… As
a writer – in my opinion - you can’t take these things seriously.
They don’t mean you’re any better a writer than you were before they
happened and they certainly don’t mean you can stop trying and assume (horrible
thought) that you’re as good now as you’ll get. Pursue the
perfection.
HAS WINNING THE LANNAN FOUNDATION
AWARD & THE COSTA MADE A DIFFERENCE?
Of course. The Lannan people are highly undemanding and they give
you a big chunk of change you can tuck away to stave off the coming
Economic Collapse of Everything. The Costa people are good at publicising
the books (without trashing them, or engineering controversy) and
they also give you a chunk of money. The subsequent sales generated
will mean I can dodge having my advance cut again – it
was the last time. So I get a bit of breathing space. And everyone on earth wants
me to write their Op Eds for them, to attend their festival, or …. Mustn’t
grumble… breathing space is nice. I like breathing.
WHY DO YOU WRITE UNDER
YOUR INITIALS ?
Okay, once and for all
NOT because I wanted to be androgynous
NOT because I wanted to signal that I’m gay (I’m not)
NOT because I’m a feminist (I’m a humanist)
NOT because I wanted to give endless journalists the chance to write acres of
nonsense about two letters.
I was worried that if I ever got published people would come and complain if
they knew who I was, so I wanted to hide. (I didn’t know how impossible
anonymity is these days) And, rather more centrally, the authors I first loved
all had initials – J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S.Lewis, E.E. Nesbitt., E.E. Cummings
(I know he’s not for kids, but I liked him for his melodies) and I actively
didn’t want to know who they were, or have them get in the way of my enjoying
their story and their voice – which was much closer than they could be,
given that it was partly inside me.
SO WHAT IS YOUR NAME
?
Alison Louise Kennedy. Now I have to kill you.
SO HOW UNHAPPY WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD ?
Past , or present, misery are not essential for the production
of art. In
fact, they are something of a handicap.
I REALLY LOVE THOSE AUTHOR
INTERVIEWS WHERE THEY CONCENTRATE ON YOUR
FURNITURE, CLOTHING AND PERSONAL PROBLEMS, DON’T YOU ?
Yes, God forbid any of the British media should actually end
up
discussing a book, or writing in general, or giving some kind
of respect
to readers, or something dreadful like that.
POP PSYCHOLOGY INTERVIEWS
?
Make me wish I had a chainsaw of my very own.
BUT EVERYONE WHO INTERVIEWS
YOU LIKES YOUR BOOKS ?
Like hell they do. Which I don’t mind at all – I object
to people pretending to like my work and then sloping off to give
me a kicking. Why not have a good discussion about why they think
I’m crap – all seems a bit spineless to me. And, of
course, there are the journos who turn up and open with, “I
didn’t have time to read your book – can you tell me
what it’s about ?”
DO YOU LIKE YOUR BOOKS ?
They’re the best I could do at the time. But no, I don’t like them.
And
it’s not part of my job description to even find them bearable.
ARE YOU
AN ORDAINED MINISTER ?
Yes. Twice. By mail. Bless you for asking. The most expensive one cost $35.
But is worth much, much less.
BUT ACTUALLY YOU’RE QUITE
SERIOUS ABOUT RELIGION ?
I’m serious about the fact that human life has a spiritual aspect
and I’m aware that I work in an area that is numinous, that relies
on a power
outwith myself – my work reflects that. I think it is healthy to reflect
that. I am not, however, a very good or religious person.
IS THE INTERNET
THE FUTURE OF PUBLISHING ?
Don’t be silly.
YOU WRITE IN MANY DIFFERENT FORMS, WHICH
DO YOU PREFER ?
As long as I’m allowed to write the best work I can and
serve the characters and the plot, I’m happy, whatever
I’m doing. But the ultimate test is prose fiction and that’s
probably the most rewarding personally.
DO
YOU ENJOY BEING A WRITER ?
Why would I enjoy something obsessive-compulsive, massively isolating,
poorly paid and filled with opportunities for the unscrupulous to abuse
you ? Writing – that I do enjoy.
WHAT ARE THE GOOD PARTS?
Of being a writer ? I’m not allowed to tell you. Rules of
the Craft.
WHY DOES FICTION MATTER ANYWAY?
Because it is the form that proves most deeply that other human
beings are as human as we are. It makes strangers irreplaceable.
It prevents psychopathic behaviour and keeps imagination alive.
Without imagination we are helpless, personally, spiritually and
politically helpless. And it is,
by its nature, a grace and a joy.
DRINKING AND DRUGGING HELP THE
INSPIRATION, RIGHT?
No. This is something you do with your brain. Fuck your brain and
you fuck your writing. Sometimes that will happen slowly, sometimes
your substance of choice will sucker you in with a little good
foreplay (writing you would have produced anyway) but eventually
you’ll end up on the rag heap with Dylan Thomas, F. Scott
Fitzgerald, Brendan Behan and all the rest of the much more numerous
drunks and junkies who didn’t even make it to visibility
before they destroyed themselves.
You do this by yourself, because you are made that way. Try faking it and it
will fuck you and your ability to do what you were born to do.
But feel free to try it the other way first, many people do. It's frightening
to write - people who are frightened run to substances. That's normal - but we
can't run from the fear. We need it.
WHY DO YOU READ FROM WORK IN PROGRESS
?
It helps me to finish rewriting something if I imagine a big
bunch of people who could kill me at any time, listening to it
in my presence. It helps me to listen to a piece out loud, although
I do "listen" to the musicality of the work (or lack
of it) while I write. I try not to inflict anything that's very
rough. I also get hugely bored with things that I've finished
- reading new work is more interesting to me. Bear in mind that
authors may spend more than a year
reciting the same few pieces to audiences - if you didn't hate the stuff when
you started, you will by the time you've finished.
WHY STAND UP ?
I've been mucking about at the edges of stand up for years
and it seemed more honest to go all the way. And it's certainly not
boring. Plus comedy used to be most of what got me through and for
various reasons I now have no other access to it. Standing near people
who are laughing is a close as I get. And, when it goes well, it
does feel very, very, very good in a way that makes you want
more. You make something nice happen for the nice ladies and
gentlemen and they make something nice happen even more and round
and round you go – all very immediate and alive. The jury’s
out on how one use of words will affect all of the other uses of
words.
|
Follow
this link to other questions asked by that excellent person Joan
Bakewell on the Radio Three show Belief